Just under 12 hours in a Bangkok airport hotel.....

Helloooooo!! I'm back in Bangkok and the last you heard from me I was knocking back the free nosh in the Bangkok Airways lounge.

Fab flight again, take off, food, coffee, juice,water, more juice, land, thank you very much goodbye!

Now considering my flight is at 8.30am tomorrow (Sunday) I made the decision to check into an airport hotel with free transfers in order to rest and get myself ready for home.

NOT!!!!!

This is Saturday night, I'm in Bangkok TAXI TO PATPONG NOW!!!

And so it was, I dumped my bags in what turned out to be a rather disappointing room (bit like pictures on a dating website, looks lovely on the net but in the flesh is just a little bit older and not quite as sweet smelling as you were led to believe...) but who cares, I've got shopping to do.  And not just any shopping, this is Pat Pong, where again nothing is quite as it seems.....

The taxi driver tasked to take me there just kept saying Patpong, Patpong over and over again and I got the distinct impression he wasn't quite sure he knew where that was.  Come on man, the whole world knows Patpong.

As we drove past Tesco and Ikea (I kid you not) I got the feeling that my driver would rather be somewhere else.  There was traffic, lots of traffic, over an hours worth of traffic, 4 lanes either side not moving and there was lots of sharp brake use and sucking noises through his teeth, and I think his wife kept calling him with the hump.  'Yes dear' translates to any language.....

And then I was there at Pat Pong was  its awesome, fake self.  The handbags, watches, sunglasses, shoes, football shirts, jeans, and the 'Ladies'.  For those of you not familiar with this rather interesting part of Bangkok, Pat Pong is basically 2 streets (Patpong 1 and Patpong 2) lined with Ladyboy bars on each side offering more things than you can ever imagine you can do with a ping pong ball and a whole lot more besides, with a massive night bazaar up the middle. But this is not your tourist tat, this is the fake capital of the world. Absolutely anything goes here.

Now for those of you who were hoping to see pictures of said Ladyboys strutting their stuff on the streets and gyrating on poles, you will have to take my word for it that it is a sight to behold and a wonder where they put it all when wearing a bikini the size of a Dairylea triangle, because you are no longer allowed to zoom in and take pictures from the outside, or to take pictures of the laminated sheet of paper they thrust at you detailing all they can do with the aforementioned ping pong ball (and many other things besides).  Believe me, I tried to snap away discreetly (you have seen my work with the Norwegian Physiotherapist, I'm quite good, sorry Chritian) but even my covert operations were overthrown.  How times have changed.

Still the pics I did take should convey at least some of the atmosphere of this unique place, even if if does look a little empty.  At 9pm they were just getting set up and this place doesn't get really buzzing till midnight.  But I had a plane to catch and after several more wanders up and down, and the bar owners still not tiring of the line 'Ping pong in Pat Pong Madam' (when do you stop being Miss and start being Madam? I want to be a Miss....), 2 pairs of designer sunnies, some other customary bits and bobs and a Singha, it was time to find a lovely taxi driver to take me the hour trip in horrendous traffic, back to the airport.

Not on your nelly.  They are sly old foxes, all meant to be on the meter and the two I tried were not too keen on missing out on the quick trips in their own neck of the woods and tried to haggle with the master, so I made a decision to use my noggin and make my own way. A brain wave.  Trains go straight to the airport, 24 hours a  day and my hotel is 5 mins by taxi from there.  Result.

So, the train it was. And seeing as Bangkok has an amazing public transport system, 2 trains, 45 mins and just under a tenner later (almost a quarter of the taxi ride and much quicker, with far less tutting) I arrived back at the rather swish-from-the-outside-with-an-amazing-lobby-but-has-a-strange-smell Crystal Suites. 

And here I sit, at 1.20am, needing to be up at 5am but wanting to make the most of every second here, and not really able to sleep and someone keeps banging and crashing around in the corridor...

But try and sleep I must, in a bed that I can touch both sides of when pretending to be a starfish, ready to face my flight and my final post of the holiday.  I know you love my summing up.

Until then my lovelies.....

TTFN xxx